The Fun of Intergalactic Relations
by MillionMoments
Summary: A Tok’ra, an Asgard, a General and an Astrophysicist Walk Into a Commissary...some ship warnings, bad attempts at humour, read at own risk...


Title: A Tok'ra, an Asgard, a General and an Astrophysicist Walk Into a Mess...

Season: 8

Spoilers: Death Knell, Revelations and general knowledge about the Asgard and Tok'ra

Type: Comedy (bad attempt at...)

Summary: Well the title says it all...

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; I just use them so that I can have my evil, evil way with them.

A/N: There may be some OOC moments here-just having a bit of fun!

Jack knew that when he became a General he'd have to be more diplomatic than he was used to. He'd have to play the polite host (hopefully never to a Goa'uld again) and do his best to get Earth's allies to 'stick with it.'

He knew all this but he never imagined he'd be sitting at a table in the Mess, in full dress uniform, with a Tok'ra, an Asgard and the leader of his ('his' in more ways than one) flagship team.

Luckily it was his favourite Tok'ra; Jacob/Selmac and his favourite Asgard; Thor. That didn't make the situation any less weird though. For one thing it was Selmac doing all the talking, and he and Thor we're having an intriguing conversation about Tau'ri culture. That left him and Carter with nothing to do but observe, though their opinion was occasionally consulted.

And just why were the Tok'ra and Asgard here? Yes, that's right people there are more than just those two; there were more of them wondering about. Well… they'd decided to have another look at all this alliance lark, and the Asgard had agreed to (maybe) play a slightly more active role in exchange for help from the Tok'ra with their-ah- reproduction issues.

Selmac and Thor were currently discussing board games. They'd agreed chess was a good game for improving battle strategy in the young but were perplexed as to why adults would continue to play it. Because of this discussion, Jack decided against trying to teach Thor Poker, which was next on his "Earth culture for Asgard" seminars that were happening at the same time as the negotiations.

And everything seemed to have been going on for a very, very long time. If only he could sneak out and go fish...

"Fishing or the Simpsons?" Carter suddenly whispered in his ear.

"Huh?"

"You have that I'm-missing-something-look. So is it fishing or the Simpsons?" she asked again cheekily.

"Ok, three things," he told her quietly whilst Selmac informed Thor about he 'disgusting human drink coffee' and its importance in the 'social rituals of the Tau'ri.' "One, you shouldn't be talking about these things in front of guests, you should be listening with rapt attention to their every word. Two, you know me too well. And three, fishing."

She smiled the smile that only made an appearance when she felt proud or very relieved, and Jack had a feeling this one was caused by a bit of both.

When they turned back to Selmac and Thor they found themselves being watched.

"Everything ok?" Jack asked, playing the aforementioned polite host. "Need any ketchup with your...blocks Thor?"

"Gauging from Lt. Col. Carter's reaction Asgard food does not taste pleasant to humans, and I should surmise the same would be true if reversed. Assuming of course ketchup is some form of nourishment," Thor replied solemnly.

Sam picked up the ketchup bottle and demonstrated for the Asgard, "It's a sauce," she explained. "To help flavour the food!"

"And I wouldn't be so sure about all humans not liking Asgard cuisine. We each have our own individual tastes," O'Neill informed Thor as Carter casually picked the cucumber off his plate.

"Lt. Col. Carter appears to be taking food from your plate O'Neill," Thor pointed out. "Perhaps it is she who requires more nourishment."

Selmac interjected, "I believe she is doing so because she is aware General O'Neill does not like to consume cucumber whereas she does."

Sam was looking quite embarrassed at having her bad eating habit analysed. Her blushing was not helped by the fact the Mess was unusually hushed, most of its habitants interested in what the Asgard and Tok'ra had to say.

"Selmac's right," Jack said, feeling the need to quickly resolve the issue and move away from the topic. "Just another example of the different tastes of humans."

Thor looked at the oar of them intensely, and then turned and looked at Selmac.

"Relationships between the Tau'ri are very complex, and even with one for a host I can not fully understand them," Selmac spoke to Thor as if he has asked a question.

O'Neill and Carter were naturally confused.

"What's that got to do with me not liking cucumber and Carter liking it?" It was impossible not to ask really.

Selmac sighed, "It is not your individual tastes that confuse us General O'Neill."

"Then what is it? I mean, it's a bit rude to eat off other peoples plates on earth, but you know he always eats my tomatoes..." Sam began to defend herself in a rather awkward manor.

Thor put up one small hand, stopping her in mid-flow, "Rest assured Lt. Col. Carter you have caused no offence, but Selmac and I observed you and General O'Neill collecting your meals. Why would General O'Neill put cucumber on his plate and you these tomatoes if you do not like to consume them and the other will only eat them?"

A very long pause followed this inquisition. Jack and Sam glanced at each other, each wanting the other to answer. Eventually it was Sam who lost the silent battle.

"Well you see," She began, thinking very much on her feet, well, ass really. "It would cost the same if we took them or not, so we might as well them and give them to somebody else. It's just...ah...being generous."

Both Selmac and Thor we're staring at the two of them intensely.

"You must know each other very well," said Thor, breaking the silence. "The Asgard high council set up some 30 of your years ago a small group whom studied human male-female relationships on Asgard planets and those no longer occupied by the Goa'uld. We find the variance – including rapid changes over short periods of time- in the way the relationships work highly fascinating."

"It is an issue the Tok'ra has to deal with," Selmac spoke to Thor. "Especially considering we have hosts from a range of planets with varying customs. Freya has told me Earth culture is very different from her own."

He smiled a very knowing smile at Jack. A smile Jack didn't like in the least. A smile that was causing Sam to stare at him with a very complex mix of accusation and amusement.

However, a look of panic suddenly overwhelmed Jack, as he realised something implied by that little speech of Thor's earlier...Luckily it looked like Carter hadn't caught on so all he had to do was change the topic...

"May I enquire as to how long Lt. Col. Carter has been your mate?"

Too late.

A/N: This may remain a ficlet, but I did have more than this planned. My Beta told me to post it, blame her...


End file.
